Three firsts in one week

These weekends don’t half come around quick nowadays, I’m not sure if its because of the change in job or simply because I’m getting old – either way I’m still not dreading the pending Monday morning return to work so this is good.

This week started with the first job of the morning being another first for me in my “new” career. I was let loose to drive the Hearse for the first time with a passenger in the back.

Before we left my mentor took me through all the things that need checking such as that there is a set of trestles, enough non-stick flower matting and all the other essential but often unnoticed things associated with the Hearse. After that it was time to load my passenger ready for his last journey.

In fairness this was going to be a very easy introduction to Hearse driving. Firstly it was a Hearse only job going straight to the cemetery with the family meeting us there. Secondly the cemetery in question was practically at the bottom of my road so I knew the way there very well.

Although I enjoyed it and learned new things about getting the vehicle ready, the actually journey was pretty easy. I had no vehicles following behind to worry about keeping together so in effect it was simply like me driving home from work but a lot slower!

Wednesday was my second time driving the Hearse but this time it was in more unfamiliar territory and with four following vehicles. I enjoyed this learning far more and just to make things even more interesting, the four vehicles behind me were all the deceased relatives so I had to keep “untrained” drivers together for the whole journey.

Onto Friday and the last job of the day where I was to drive a limo. I have driven the limo a few times but never with passengers. Now this sounds a lot easier because the Hearse driver should know the route and it is their responsibility to keep the pack together but I can tell you it isn’t.

For a start you have family in the back, up to six of them. Some may be emotional, others maybe not so but mainly the only thing they have to do is during the journey is look forward at the coffin in the Hearse or at the Limo driver. Everything you do seems to be scrutinised and evaluated. Perhaps this isn’t the case but it sure feels that way.

Secondly you have to keep yourself as close to the Hearse as possible so nobody else breaks up the cortege. This sort of driving goes against everything you have previously learned about driving. Your eyes are almost glued to the break lights of the Hearse, you don’t give way to traffic and if you happen to see red traffic lights you treat them as “give way” as opposed to “Stop”. There is no legal right to drive the way we do whilst in Funeral Cortege but there is an expectation and tradition that we do.

After the twenty minute drive my mouth was dry and I felt physically drained as though I’d driven the whole journey from Glasgow to Penzance non stop, purely because of the concentration required to do the job flawlessly.

I have to say that it went fine, and after wards I did find that I had enjoyed it, but it is the most tiring and skillful thing I have ever had to do whilst at work. That said, the most difficult one is out of the way, once you’ve done something once, the following ones get easier, or at least I hope they do!